These are questions I get asked all the time. This will shed some light on the mystery that is me.

What is your favorite movie?

Hands down, Lawrence of Arabia.

What is your favorite band?

The Doors or Faith No More.

Any other favorite stuff?

Black coffee.

Why do you have goofy shit hidden all over your website?

It’s funny.

What do you look like now, but for real?

Stephen Baldwin. Or Val Kilmer in The Saint.

How old are you now, but for real?


What does In Utero mean on your Résumé?

It’s the third studio album of Nirvana.

How much are your paintings?

Terribly huge amounts of money. You should probably buy one. I take checks and credit cards.

Are you really famous?


How famous?

Really famous.

Can I have your autograph?

I’ll email you one.

Are you ever serious?


How frequently are people asking these questions?

You saw the title of the page. Frequently.

Who is Greek?

You have to pay for the book and movie deal for that one.

C’mon, who is Greek?

I thought I just answered this.

Do you have an alias?

Stylish Master.

Wait. If these are asked so frequently, why did you hide the page?

For someone who had the time to look for secret shit on my website, you ask a lot of questions.

What genre do you consider your art? Avant-garde, Expressionism?

Oh, god…oh, you’re seriously asking? Ahem, well, yes. My main focus is Impressionism with later hints of my commercial Illustration, which I dub Advanced Owenism, and of course, the modern Anode-Genesis Theorem of Pat-Killem The 3rd and his genre of Advanced Artistic Schooling from late Japan Neo-Fatherism Art. I would consider this Avant-Garde of sorts when you look at the motivations and influences of the French and American Impositionists and their Fact-Rebuke-Abstracts from the Second Wave of Revolutionary Painterly Brush Movers.

You swear a lot. That’s unprofessional.

That’s more of a statement than a question.

Are you a real person?

Not really. This is my residual self image. This is my mental projection of my digital self.

What mark are you leaving on the planet?

Hopefully not just a stain. I should probably undo some of the undermining of the industry and culture, and a bunch of other things. For example, to undo some of this crap that people bought into – From The Naked Communist, from the 45 Communist Goals:

  • 21. Gain control of key positions in radio, TV & motion pictures.
  • 22. Continue discrediting American culture by degrading all form of artistic expression. An American Communist cell was told to “eliminate all good sculpture from parks and buildings,” substituting shapeless, awkward and meaningless forms.
  • 23. Control art critics and directors of art museums. “Our plan is to promote ugliness, repulsive, meaningless art.”
  • 25. Break down cultural standards of morality by promoting pornography and obscenity in books, magazines, motion pictures, radio and TV.

There, a semi-serious answer. Happy now?